For our soundtrack on this one... well, this was a last minute song change as I did a quick proofread of this chapter. One of the comments John makes in this chapter made me immediately think of this tune. If you all didn't know by now, I'm a huge Mutemath fan and I will try and sell the group to everyone I can get to listen to them... the link is to the live version of this song, which is how I found this band when they opened for 30 Seconds To Mars in Philly last year... it's an amazing version and it just gives you a perspective of how killer their live performances are! ENJOY!!
The different stars tonight will somehow fade the same
And all the tears we cry tell us we're made the same
And when we fall aside, let's hope we fall in place
We built our different lives, but they all break the same
Break the same
Different worlds and different hearts
Different souls and different parts
We all, we all break the same
Break The Same - MUTEMATH
“Dean!” I practically screamed as Sam jogged into the gym with me in his arms; John opened the door for us, smiling just as broadly.
Dean and Terry spun around and looked at the three of us with a confused look.
“Don’t tell me Sam already knocked you up, Fletch?!” Terry groaned, dramatically shaking his head.
Sam and I both blushed profusely.
“Um…” I began.
“Well, we were sleeping together last night…” Sam said proudly.
“Oh Lord,” Dean drew out.
“But no, wait!” I suddenly piped up again. “I kicked him in my sleep last night!”
“Well, it’s about time you get a woman to kick you into shape…” Terry began, only to be cut off from Dean who came leaping over towards us and stealing me from Sam’s arms.
“Are you serious?!” he exclaimed.
“YES!” Sam and I said in unison.
“This is AWESOME!” Dean bellowed. Laughter and cries of joy echoed throughout the empty gym as Dean swung me around in circles. Before I knew it, he had me poised on the parallel bars.
I took a deep breath before slowly allowing my body weight to transfer to my legs. With all the weight training I had been doing, they were becoming strong enough to hold me without much assistance with my arms. Before even attempting to take a step, I looked over at everyone who was standing there with baited breath.
“You can do this, Fletch,” Dean whispered.
I nodded and turned back to look down at my feet. Okay, left foot first. You need to move now. I want to walk…
My feet on the other hand did not seem to be listening.
Once again, tears of frustration fell hotly onto my cheeks.
I felt so bad. In some respects, I wished I would have never told her when she awoke this morning. The excitement in her eyes and on her face still haunted me as I lied awake in my bed, alone. Reluctantly I dropped her off back at her place and hung out with John the rest of the day because she said she just wanted to be alone. I respected her decision, but it didn’t make it any easier. From what happened yesterday to what happened today, I felt like I was on one of those amusement rides that made you giddy as it slowly ascended above the park and then lets your drop at a crazy amount of speed to the ground only to leave you wonder, “Is that it?”
“I don’t know what to do to cheer her up,” I sulked as John and I wasted the day away playing NHL ’11.
“Just give her some space today, she’ll be back to her normal self tomorrow,” John said with a knowing smile. “I can’t even begin to imagine what she is going through…”
“I have a feeling she’s gone through more than what she has told either of us,” I fretted.
“Everyone deals with things differently. Alex is a very strong woman, but we all have our breaking points.”
I nodded in agreement.
After John left, I decided to call Alex. I couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Hey Sam,” she said, neutrally.
“Hey babe. What are you up to?”
“Just reading,” she sighed.
“It’s okay, Alex. I’m just worried about you.”
“And you don’t need to be. I just needed a day to wallow in myself and I promise to be back to normal tomorrow,” she laughed sadly.
I chuckled a bit because I was picturing her pouty lips. “It really is okay, Alex. I can understand that occasional self-pity thing. I’ve had days like that more than once with my hockey career.” Saying that, kind of made me feel a little petty about the times I did sit and sulk after a bad game. Despite that fact, I heard her giggling softly on the other end of the phone. “What are you laughing about?”
“Never mind,” she giggled, now slightly louder than before.
“No, not never mind. What are you laughing about?” I growled.
“Is it bad that I could so picture you sitting on the floor, cross legged, pouting like a baby?” she snorted.
“Are you serious?! Gee, thanks Alex.”
“Well, look at it this way, the mental picture has made me laugh for the first time since this morning.”
I sighed and shook my head. “This is true. But I’d rather be there in person so that I could see you smile…” I said, realizing I was sounding like some sort of love sick puppy. But that thought went quickly away with her next words.
“I’m actually sorry for shunning you away for the day too, because I miss you.”
“Then can I come over?” I asked, hopefully.
She was quiet for a moment and then spoke. “No, I need some sleep tonight and so do you. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Fine, then to make up for today, I get you all day after our work-out.”
“Okay,” she said, sounding like she was smiling. “Sounds like a deal.”
I was definitely in a better mood by morning. Sometimes all you need is a day full of ice cream and chick-flicks to get over whatever funk you are in.
“When do you actually start eating healthy for the season?” I asked, watching Sam devour his 4th slice of pizza as we sat outside by his pool.
“I have been eating healthy,” he defended with a mouthful of pizza crust.
“This is not healthy,” I furrowed my brow while watching the grease drip off my 2nd slice.
“Well, actually, I eat two healthy meals a day and I splurge on my 3rd. Next week I’ll actually start my food cleanse to start the season off on a good foot. Its summer and I workout hard enough at the gym, that I need to have some sort of ‘fun’ for the break.”
I just shook my head at his justification and rolled my eyes.
“So I haven’t made you a believer in all my ideas, yet?” he smirked.
“I don’t like to be a follower,” I smiled.
“Well then I guess you aren’t going to enjoy my plans for the rest of our day together…”
“As long as you let me lead, we won’t have a problem,” I winked and laughed as he choked on his pizza.
Well, we started out by making love in the pool after lunch. She initiated this of course, and I willingly followed her lead. The steps in my pool made for the perfect perch in our sexual escapade.
“I can’t get over how amazing you feel,” I groaned when I first pushed into her. She left out a complimentary sigh and allowed her head to drop backwards into the water as I held her. The water made her virtually weightless and allowed me to easily hold her up, to get deep into her.
“Sssaaammm, you make me feel so gooood,” she drew out.
“That’s good baby, I want you to feel good,” I grunted, hitting her core before pulling out again. My vision was getting blurred and I knew I would be soon finished. Somehow I was able to holdout until I felt her finger tips dig into my shoulders. “Fuuuuck.” I pulled up, so that she was completely against me and held her tight as we left our bodies come down from the high we had just given them.
“Are you ready to get out of the pool?” I asked after she shivered a couple times in my arms.
She nodded shyly. At that, I scooped her securely into my arms and carried her into the house, we were both naked, but that was one of the perks of having a tall privacy fence.
I grabbed some towels from the laundry room and one of my big extra comforters and we set up shop on my big couch in the living room. It suddenly became a day of naked relaxing on the couch, watching movies and telling stories.
“So when do you go back to
?” I asked, nuzzling against his chest. He always seemed to be so warm, and I was very content with the fact that his arms had been wrapped around me since we laid down on the couch. Edmonton
“Next Thursday. A group of us start training together a few weeks before camp starts, plus it gives me time to get my apartment settled, especially since I’ll be by myself this season…” he said quietly.
I nodded and immediately cursed myself for the tears that were threatening to brim over. I never cried about silly things like that and besides, it’s not like I expected this to last forever. Okay, Alex. Stop lying to yourself already. You know you are head over heals for this boy. I am such a fool. Luckily he couldn’t see my face because I was spooned with my back against him. “I see,” I choked out, hoping to God he couldn’t tell the words were filled with more emotion than I had intended.
I jumped a little when he began to run his fingers through my thick, straight, hair. Sam knew. Sam read me like a book, but he didn’t say anything. Instead the thoughts just passed silently between us. “Alex?”
“Yeah?” I asked, rolling over onto my back so that I could look up in his eyes.
His hand came up and gently cupped my face. I’m fairly sure I stopped breathing. The look in his eyes told the whole story. I wasn’t the only one with these strong feelings.
“Sam…” I whispered, hoping it might deter him from saying the words I was deafly afraid of hearing or saying. It was not supposed to be this easy. He shushed me by kissing me fully on the lips. I moaned as his hand slipped from my cheek to behind my neck, pulling me farther into the kiss. When we parted, I was breathless.
“I feel like this isn’t real,” he said huskily. His green eyes were looked like fresh cut grass covered in morning dew. I was totally lost. He continued with a shake of his head and a smile before looking deep into my eyes again. “I never would have thought my summer would be like this…”
I giggled at this admission and blinked my eyes in agreement. I wanted to leave out a sigh of relief for him not saying those three little words, but with the way he was still staring at me, I was sure they were close to being said.
Silence stayed between us for the longest time, only to be interrupted as a flash of lightening lit up the room.
“Shit!” I jumped, my foot actually kicking up the blanket.
“Your leg just moved!” Sam exclaimed like a little excited kid.
“I know,” I whispered, trying to keep my emotion in check.
Sam immediately reached down and ran his hands up and down both my legs and squeezed them. He looked back up at me and grinned. “I know you’ll walk again, Alex. No doubt in my mind.”
I nodded quietly and bit my lip. He might be right, but it was still a long battle.
I was going to say “I love you.” The words were right on the tip of my tongue, but I chickened out. Once again I found myself lying in bed cursing quietly for not just coming out and saying it then and there. I glanced over at the picture that was now sitting on the floor, in front of my dresser. How could I have not seen it was her this whole time?
Even in her military fatigues, I could still see the curve of her body, and her hair was unmistakable, along with her tiny hand splayed on his cheek.
I thought the picture had moved me the first time I saw it in the store? Well, I was now in complete awe of it and totally torn-up over it. No longer could I look at it as two people in the heat of the battle. All I could see was my girlfriend having one of the most intimate moments someone could probably share with a man who was me and who would never be me.
I felt slightly cheated from her not telling me, but the rational part of me kept saying that it was really none of my business. I never told her about my conquests. The only person she knew about was
, and even then it wasn’t like she knew much more than her name and that she was screwing Patrick. So in reality, whatever happened with her and Danny, I didn’t need to know. However, the jealous/over-thinking part of me wanted to know every little detail. Did she love him? Were they together for long? Did she still think about him? These were all questions that rolled around in my head. Eden
The other thing that rolled around in my head was the look of horror on her face when we woke-up that morning. We had a wonderful night making love and falling asleep together in each other’s arms. I was still asleep when she woke up.
“Sam,” she said loudly, elbowing me in the ribs.
“Ouch…” I whined, attempting to pull her closer to me.
“Sam,” she said again, sounding even more annoyed and now pushing my arms off of her.
“Alex, what is wrong?” I asked, still half asleep.
“That picture. Where did you get it,” she asked through clenched teeth. She somehow quickly moved out of my arms and was now sitting on the bed and pointing up at the picture like it was a spider or a bug that she wanted killed.
“Uh, I got it at that picture place, downtown in the beginning of the summer,” I said slowly.
“Do you have any clue what that is?” she asked, so cold that I felt my blood turn to ice.
I sat up climbed up to take the picture down. I turned back around and sat it on my lap and read the article outloud.
“6 Canadian soldiers were killed, 2 injured during a gun fight in small town in
. AP photographer, James Nash was also injured in the battle when the Hummer he was riding in was ambushed. However, he managed to get this gut wrenching picture of two GI’s. Lieutenant Daniel Kramer and Lieutenant, Combat Nurse, Alexandra Fletcher share an intimate moment together after they were both wounded. Lt. Kramer is listed as deceased and Lt. Fletcher is listed in critical condition at Ramstein Air Force Base in Afghanistan .” Germany
“Alexandra Fletcher…Alex…Fletch…Danny…” I finished slowly like it was all a bad dream. “Oh my god, Alex, I swear I didn’t know…”
“Is this the first fucking time you are reading the article?!” she hissed.
“No…but you have to understand…I bought this a few days before I met you and I never even thought about it…”
“How can you not tell that is me?!” she cried.
“I…I…I just never thought…”
“Take me home.”
“But Alex, let’s try and be reasonable about this…”
“Take me home, Sam.”