Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The World Did Not End.

Hello All!!

I am soo sorry for not posting anything for the last several days!! So much as been going on, including a hurricane, an earthquake, forgetting my zip drive at work while I'm on vacation, RebelHeart was in to visit... so yeah. I'm fine, I haven't fallen off the face of the planet and I haven't forgotten about my story!!

Look for a new chapter in a day or two!!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Chapter Sixteen

Sorry for posting a day late!!! A little techinal difficulties arose when I forgot my laptop the one day and then with the earthquake drama yesterday!! So I'm back at it this morning!!

Soundtrack: from a defunct emo band from Pittsburgh... awesome band with awesome lyrics

Here's a thought, if you're willing to listen. I only tell the
truth of the feelings I'm given. Can you hear me now? Listen.
Whispers in the rain. Listen. Don't push love away, you know
you do. It's all we have.

Don't Push Love Away - The Juliana Theory

At first I was mad at Sam.  However, after he dropped me off and I cried for about two hours, I realized Sam didn’t do anything wrong.

Seeing the picture for the first time in over a year and a half was like a slap in the face.  My concern about it not being okay to move on from everything came back and reared it’s ugly head, causing me to second guess all the time I had spend in Sam’s arms.  Is this a sign that I’m not supposed to move on and fall in love.  Too late, Alex.  You are already in love and there is no turning back.

The picture, it was so intimate.  It was me and Danny sharing everything we were supposed to share over the next umpteen years in just a matter of a couple minutes.  There was me, just moments after my life was changed forever from a shower of bullets that had rained upon me and Danny.

I picked up the trash can and puked out the remnants of bile that had been churning since I saw the picture.

After dropping Alex off at her house, I drove around for awhile before stopping at home.  I ran upstairs, picked up the picture and drove straight over to Race and Denise’s house.

“Sam!” Denise said cheerfully, but realized instantly this wasn’t a happy visit.  “What’s wrong, hun?”

I walked straight into the house, carried the picture with me and sat down at the kitchen table.  After setting the frame on the table, I heard Denise’s sharp intake of breath behind me, which told me she knew what I wanted to know.

“A month or two ago, Eden and I went shopping for some pictures to decorate my house.  I found this one in the back of a rack and I instantly caught my attention.  I mean, look at the intensity between these two people, it just spoke to me.  Sure, I hadn’t ever experienced anything like that, but I’d like to think there is a part in everyone that wishes to be involved in a love like that…”

Denise didn’t say anything.  Race was standing beside her when I paused.  He nodded in agreement and she just kept staring at the picture with her hand over her mouth.

“These last few weeks with Alex have been nothing short of incredible.  I thought what you two have, was something completely unobtainable.  I never would have thought I’d find it and not especially with a girl who is, at the moment, confined to a wheelchair.  Alex has told me bits and pieces about her past…probably the most I’ve heard was that night we had the BBQ over here… You two talked about a guy named Danny, but I never thought he was someone that Alex shared a moment like that with,” I pointed at the picture.  My throat was constricted and I could barely speak at this point.  “You need to tell me about him,” I turned to Race.

“I think you need to talk to Alex about it…” Race began quietly.

“No, she isn’t talking to me at the moment.  I came to talk to you about it.  Personally, I can’t blame Alex if she can never talk to me about this.”

Race sighed and took a seat at the table next to me.  He stared at the picture for a few moments and then pulled Denise onto his lap and held onto her like she was going to be the only thing to get him through the story.

“This is going to take some time,” Race said quietly.

“I have all the time in the world,” I answered sincerely.  Immediately I felt goosebumps pop up all over my body.

“I’m fairly sure Danny fell in love with Alex the day we all met and shipped off to Afghanistan.  Of course all the guys were buzzing about the hot little Korean combat nurse, but Danny was the first to actually go over and introduce himself to her.  Now, you need to understand Danny.  He was this big dude…probably could have been an UFC fighter with the body he had, so he towered over Fletch,” Race paused and chuckled.  “I’ll never forget Fletch’s face when he sauntered over to her.  He says to her, ‘Don’t worry little girl, if you forgot your teddy bear, I’ll be more than willing to be a stand-in.’  She looked up at him and laughed loudly as she said, ‘Well, that’s real nice of your to offer, but with an ego like that, I’m thinking you’ll need me more than I need you.’  He looked at her with a confused look before she spoke again.  She patted him on the forearm and said, ‘When someone kicks your ass, I’ll make sure I find a pooh-bear band-aid to put on it for you,’ she said simply and walked away.  I remember Danny just standing there in awe and practically drooling.”

“Fletch had one of a smartass attitude and within a couple days she had everyone eating out of her hand and ready to go to war for her.  If anyone not in our platoon made a comment about her, the boys were ready to throw punches.  Danny was the class clown, so he would always try and draw attention to himself. Despite their initial encounter, Danny stayed persistent with Fletch and she soon began seeing that he wasn’t joking when he would declare his love for her, even if it was in the middle of morning PT,” Race smiled again and shook his head.

“A few days before the fateful day in that picture, Danny came to me and we talked about how Denise and I made things work.  He said, ‘Race, I know it’s against policy, but I’m telling you now that I’m going to break the rules.  I’m in love with Alexandra and I’m going to make her my wife as soon as we are out of this hell-hole.’  I remember just nodding my head and trying to hide my smile.  I told him that if I didn’t hear or see anything, there was nothing wrong going on.  I then told him that as soon as we were back in Canada, that I would help him fill out whatever paperwork they needed to fill out so that they could get married, not be in the same platoon but still be stationed together.  Hell, Danny was even going to take a desk job if he had to, which was a huge deal for him because he loved his job as a mechanic.”

“The night before the shoot-out, I walked out of the bunkhouse and saw the two of them together.  He asked her to marry him that night…” Race faded off and Denise sat there sniffling.

“Did she say yes?” I asked, hoarsely.

“She did.”

I nodded and didn’t know what to say or think.

“She has no clue to this day that I heard the exchange.  I’d like you to keep it that way,” Race said.  “Sometimes I often wondered if she decided to just block it out completely…I know her parents, especially her dad, really gave her a hard time about this photograph.”

“What would they be upset about?”

“Her dad was dead set against her going into the military in the first place.  He was not thrilled to have a picture of his daughter plastered on the front page of the newspaper, making out with another soldier…especially since he was running for public office.”

“Public office?”

“Fletch’s dad is the Mayor of Edmonton.”

My mouth dropped.  I was learning something every minute, and the worst part about it was the fact that this was stuff about my girlfriend, the girl I thought I knew enough to fall in love with.  “Is that why she doesn’t get along with her parents?”

“Some of it,” Denise finally spoke up.  “Mr. Fletcher is very old school; probably from his time in the military as an officer.  Since he was so against Fletch going into the military, his tolerance, I guess you could say, ran out when she got shot and then made the paper in a photo that had essentially brought a shit-storm along with it.”

“I don’t understand why the photo is considered controversial…”

“You weren’t the only one moved by the photo, Sam.  This war is not a popular one and the old-timers were not particularly fond of the photograph showing the battle as some sort of romantic drama.”

I nodded my head and sat in thought for a few minutes.  I looked at both Race and Denise whose faces were covered in worry and I nodded.  “Thank you,” I said quietly.  I picked up the photograph, stood up and walked out of the house and into my Jeep.

There was a lot I needed to digest and the only thing I knew to do, was to go for a run.

That photo had brought back so many things I thought I had gotten over.  To find that nightmare in my boyfriend’s bedroom, was like living out the most dreaded horror film one could ever imagine.  How is a person supposed to handle something like that?!

I spent the next couple days sitting, sulking on the couch in my living room, allowing memories of the past to overtake me and pull me under.  It was like holding that old childhood teddy bear that gave you comfort in bad times.  However, this teddy bear would always take me back to the depression I had tried so hard to leave behind.

A few days went by.  I didn’t go to my training sessions. I called Dean and told him I needed a few days for a break.  He wasn’t overly thrilled, but stated he understood.

Sam called me several times a day, but I would just hit the ignore button.  Of course I should have known that I could only hideout from him for so long…

*Knock, Knock*


“Alex?!  Let me in!” Sam yelled on the other side of the door.

“Go away Sam.”

He began wiggling the door handle and next thing I knew, he was falling through my door.

“Sam, I told you to go home and now you break into my fucking house?!” I scowled, pulling my legs up against my chest and hugged them.

“Well, desperate measures need to be taken when yoooouuu don’t answer my fucking phone calls!” Sam grumbled back.  In just 3 steps he was standing in front of me with his hands on his hips.  He sounded angrier than he looked; worry was written all over his face and green eyes.

I looked up at him and just shrugged my shoulders.  He suddenly kneeled down in front of me, but kept some distance between us.

“Alex, I’d say sorry, but honestly, it’s not like I bought the picture to make you made or uncomfortable.  Plus, if I would have known, I would have taken it down and told you about it…”

Again I shrugged.

He sighed and sat down on his heals, looking defeated.  “So?”


“I’m fairly sure this is the part where you speak.”

I opened my mouth, closed it and before I could open it again, tears began falling.  “He asked me to marry him the night before that photo was taken.”

Sam’s eyes grew a little larger, but he didn’t say or do anything.

“He was setting up to give me cover fire so that I could get more supplies…he died, saving me.  The worst part is, we had our first kiss right before he proposed.  I pushed off for so long and when I finally admit everything to myself, he dies, underneath me.  His last breath was wasted on kissing me.”

I jumped when Sam’s large hand came up and covered one of mine, squeezing it gently.

“I tried to commit suicide several times during the last year and a half,” I continued, feeling as if it was necessary to make sure he knew I wasn’t as strong as he probably thought I was.

“Why?” he asked, pained.

“Because I should have died in that Afghan street; there was no reason for me to be on this earth.”

“But you are sooo wrong, Alexandra,” he said, smoothly, using my full name for the first time.  I got goosebumps.  “You are meant to do so much more on this earth…to make peoples lives better…like mine.”

“I’m still obviously a headcase…” I mumbled, attempting to break the gaze between us because it was beginning to make me slightly nervous.

“I love you, Alex.”

Now he had my full-attention.  “Don’t say things like that just to get me to forgive you.”

He crawled within inches of me and put his nose against mine.  “I don’t give a shit if you don’t forgive me.  Don’t you see, Alex?!  I’m telling you that I love you because I want you to know now incase I don’t get to tell you that.  That is exactly what the picture spoke to me when I first saw it.  What you and Danny shared, proves the fact that if you don’t do something now, then when is it right?  I’ll admit I’m a little bummed that you didn’t tell me everything, but I believe you it would have eventually come out along down the line.”

I nodded.  “Yes, I just didn’t think it was real romantic to tell your new boyfriend, ‘Hey! By the way, I was engaged for a day, but he was killed and I’ve basically been a wreck since it happened…’ add on the wheelchair business, well it just doesn’t make for the best of things.”

Sam smiled and chuckled a little.  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.  But since we are being all honest and up front right now, I’d like to file a grievance with you.”


He now took both of my hands into his large ones and completely held my attention.  “You need to stop hiding away from me when things don’t go the way you want them to.  I’m here for you Alex.  I believe that is one of the reasons we found each other.  You need me to keep from going into your hermit/depression modes.”

“But what do you need me for?” I asked quietly.

A big smile grew on his face.  “To make me happy.”


“That doesn’t seem like a fair trade.”

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned in, lightly pressing his lips to mine.  “Having you in my arms makes it all worth while,” he mused before kissing me once again.  “I love you, Alex.”

I pulled back and smiled back at him, cupping his cheeks with my hands so that I could look into his sparkling green eyes.  “I love you too, Sam,” I said, meaning every word.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Chapter Fifteen

Posting a little early on this one... mainly because I have to be at work again in less than 10 hours, but I wanted to make sure I got this up for you guys.  I feel bad if I don't keep up with my every-other day posting since you are all soo wonderful to leave such encouraging comments!!!

For our soundtrack on this one... well, this was a last minute song change as I did a quick proofread of this chapter.  One of the comments John makes in this chapter made me immediately think of this tune. If you all didn't know by now, I'm a huge Mutemath fan and I will try and sell the group to everyone I can get to listen to them... the link is to the live version of this song, which is how I found this band when they opened for 30 Seconds To Mars in Philly last year... it's an amazing version and it just gives you a perspective of how killer their live performances are! ENJOY!!

The different stars tonight will somehow fade the same
And all the tears we cry tell us we're made the same
And when we fall aside, let's hope we fall in place
We built our different lives, but they all break the same
Break the same

Different worlds and different hearts
Different souls and different parts
We all, we all break the same

Break The Same - MUTEMATH

“Dean!” I practically screamed as Sam jogged into the gym with me in his arms; John opened the door for us, smiling just as broadly.

Dean and Terry spun around and looked at the three of us with a confused look.

“Don’t tell me Sam already knocked you up, Fletch?!” Terry groaned, dramatically shaking his head.

Sam and I both blushed profusely.

“Um…” I began.

“Well, we were sleeping together last night…” Sam said proudly.

“Oh Lord,” Dean drew out.

“But no, wait!” I suddenly piped up again.  “I kicked him in my sleep last night!”

“Well, it’s about time you get a woman to kick you into shape…” Terry began, only to be cut off from Dean who came leaping over towards us and stealing me from Sam’s arms.

“Are you serious?!” he exclaimed.

“YES!” Sam and I said in unison.

“This is AWESOME!” Dean bellowed.  Laughter and cries of joy echoed throughout the empty gym as Dean swung me around in circles.  Before I knew it, he had me poised on the parallel bars.

I took a deep breath before slowly allowing my body weight to transfer to my legs.  With all the weight training I had been doing, they were becoming strong enough to hold me without much assistance with my arms.  Before even attempting to take a step, I looked over at everyone who was standing there with baited breath.

“You can do this, Fletch,” Dean whispered.

I nodded and turned back to look down at my feet.  Okay, left foot first.  You need to move now.  I want to walk…

My feet on the other hand did not seem to be listening.

Once again, tears of frustration fell hotly onto my cheeks.

I felt so bad.  In some respects, I wished I would have never told her when she awoke this morning.  The excitement in her eyes and on her face still haunted me as I lied awake in my bed, alone.  Reluctantly I dropped her off back at her place and hung out with John the rest of the day because she said she just wanted to be alone.  I respected her decision, but it didn’t make it any easier.  From what happened yesterday to what happened today, I felt like I was on one of those amusement rides that made you giddy as it slowly ascended above the park and then lets your drop at a crazy amount of speed to the ground only to leave you wonder, “Is that it?”

“I don’t know what to do to cheer her up,” I sulked as John and I wasted the day away playing NHL ’11.

“Just give her some space today, she’ll be back to her normal self tomorrow,” John said with a knowing smile.  “I can’t even begin to imagine what she is going through…”

“I have a feeling she’s gone through more than what she has told either of us,” I fretted.

“Everyone deals with things differently.  Alex is a very strong woman, but we all have our breaking points.”

I nodded in agreement.

After John left, I decided to call Alex.  I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Hey Sam,” she said, neutrally.

“Hey babe.  What are you up to?”

“Just reading,” she sighed.




“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Alex.  I’m just worried about you.”

“And you don’t need to be.  I just needed a day to wallow in myself and I promise to be back to normal tomorrow,” she laughed sadly.

I chuckled a bit because I was picturing her pouty lips.  “It really is okay, Alex.  I can understand that occasional self-pity thing.  I’ve had days like that more than once with my hockey career.”  Saying that, kind of made me feel a little petty about the times I did sit and sulk after a bad game.  Despite that fact, I heard her giggling softly on the other end of the phone.  “What are you laughing about?”

“Never mind,” she giggled, now slightly louder than before.

“No, not never mind.  What are you laughing about?” I growled.

“Is it bad that I could so picture you sitting on the floor, cross legged, pouting like a baby?” she snorted.

“Are you serious?!  Gee, thanks Alex.”

“Well, look at it this way, the mental picture has made me laugh for the first time since this morning.”

I sighed and shook my head.  “This is true.  But I’d rather be there in person so that I could see you smile…” I said, realizing I was sounding like some sort of love sick puppy.  But that thought went quickly away with her next words.

“I’m actually sorry for shunning you away for the day too, because I miss you.”

“Then can I come over?” I asked, hopefully.

She was quiet for a moment and then spoke.  “No, I need some sleep tonight and so do you.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Fine, then to make up for today, I get you all day after our work-out.”

“Okay,” she said, sounding like she was smiling.  “Sounds like a deal.”

“Goodnight Alex.”

“Goodnight Sam.”

I was definitely in a better mood by morning.  Sometimes all you need is a day full of ice cream and chick-flicks to get over whatever funk you are in.

“When do you actually start eating healthy for the season?” I asked, watching Sam devour his 4th slice of pizza as we sat outside by his pool.

“I have been eating healthy,” he defended with a mouthful of pizza crust.

“This is not healthy,” I furrowed my brow while watching the grease drip off my 2nd slice.

“Well, actually, I eat two healthy meals a day and I splurge on my 3rd.  Next week I’ll actually start my food cleanse to start the season off on a good foot.  Its summer and I workout hard enough at the gym, that I need to have some sort of ‘fun’ for the break.”

I just shook my head at his justification and rolled my eyes.

“So I haven’t made you a believer in all my ideas, yet?” he smirked.

“I don’t like to be a follower,” I smiled.

“Well then I guess you aren’t going to enjoy my plans for the rest of our day together…”

“As long as you let me lead, we won’t have a problem,” I winked and laughed as he choked on his pizza.

Well, we started out by making love in the pool after lunch.  She initiated this of course, and I willingly followed her lead.  The steps in my pool made for the perfect perch in our sexual escapade.

“I can’t get over how amazing you feel,” I groaned when I first pushed into her.  She left out a complimentary sigh and allowed her head to drop backwards into the water as I held her.  The water made her virtually weightless and allowed me to easily hold her up, to get deep into her.

“Sssaaammm, you make me feel so gooood,” she drew out.

“That’s good baby, I want you to feel good,” I grunted, hitting her core before pulling out again.  My vision was getting blurred and I knew I would be soon finished.  Somehow I was able to holdout until I felt her finger tips dig into my shoulders.  “Fuuuuck.”  I pulled up, so that she was completely against me and held her tight as we left our bodies come down from the high we had just given them.

“Are you ready to get out of the pool?” I asked after she shivered a couple times in my arms.

She nodded shyly.  At that, I scooped her securely into my arms and carried her into the house, we were both naked, but that was one of the perks of having a tall privacy fence.

I grabbed some towels from the laundry room and one of my big extra comforters and we set up shop on my big couch in the living room.  It suddenly became a day of naked relaxing on the couch, watching movies and telling stories.

“So when do you go back to Edmonton?” I asked, nuzzling against his chest.  He always seemed to be so warm, and I was very content with the fact that his arms had been wrapped around me since we laid down on the couch.

“Next Thursday.  A group of us start training together a few weeks before camp starts, plus it gives me time to get my apartment settled, especially since I’ll be by myself this season…” he said quietly.

I nodded and immediately cursed myself for the tears that were threatening to brim over.  I never cried about silly things like that and besides, it’s not like I expected this to last forever.  Okay, Alex.  Stop lying to yourself already.  You know you are head over heals for this boy.  I am such a fool.  Luckily he couldn’t see my face because I was spooned with my back against him.  “I see,” I choked out, hoping to God he couldn’t tell the words were filled with more emotion than I had intended.

I jumped a little when he began to run his fingers through my thick, straight, hair.  Sam knew.  Sam read me like a book, but he didn’t say anything.  Instead the thoughts just passed silently between us.  “Alex?”

“Yeah?” I asked, rolling over onto my back so that I could look up in his eyes.

His hand came up and gently cupped my face.  I’m fairly sure I stopped breathing.  The look in his eyes told the whole story.  I wasn’t the only one with these strong feelings.

“Sam…” I whispered, hoping it might deter him from saying the words I was deafly afraid of hearing or saying.  It was not supposed to be this easy.  He shushed me by kissing me fully on the lips.  I moaned as his hand slipped from my cheek to behind my neck, pulling me farther into the kiss.  When we parted, I was breathless.

“I feel like this isn’t real,” he said huskily.  His green eyes were looked like fresh cut grass covered in morning dew.  I was totally lost.  He continued with a shake of his head and a smile before looking deep into my eyes again.  “I never would have thought my summer would be like this…”

I giggled at this admission and blinked my eyes in agreement.  I wanted to leave out a sigh of relief for him not saying those three little words, but with the way he was still staring at me, I was sure they were close to being said. 

Silence stayed between us for the longest time, only to be interrupted as a flash of lightening lit up the room.

“Shit!” I jumped, my foot actually kicking up the blanket.

“Your leg just moved!” Sam exclaimed like a little excited kid.

“I know,” I whispered, trying to keep my emotion in check.

Sam immediately reached down and ran his hands up and down both my legs and squeezed them.  He looked back up at me and grinned.  “I know you’ll walk again, Alex.  No doubt in my mind.”

I nodded quietly and bit my lip.  He might be right, but it was still a long battle.

I was going to say “I love you.”  The words were right on the tip of my tongue, but I chickened out.  Once again I found myself lying in bed cursing quietly for not just coming out and saying it then and there.  I glanced over at the picture that was now sitting on the floor, in front of my dresser.  How could I have not seen it was her this whole time?

Even in her military fatigues, I could still see the curve of her body, and her hair was unmistakable, along with her tiny hand splayed on his cheek.

I thought the picture had moved me the first time I saw it in the store?  Well, I was now in complete awe of it and totally torn-up over it.  No longer could I look at it as two people in the heat of the battle.  All I could see was my girlfriend having one of the most intimate moments someone could probably share with a man who was me and who would never be me. 

I felt slightly cheated from her not telling me, but the rational part of me kept saying that it was really none of my business.  I never told her about my conquests.  The only person she knew about was Eden, and even then it wasn’t like she knew much more than her name and that she was screwing Patrick.  So in reality, whatever happened with her and Danny, I didn’t need to know.  However, the jealous/over-thinking part of me wanted to know every little detail.  Did she love him?  Were they together for long?  Did she still think about him?  These were all questions that rolled around in my head.

The other thing that rolled around in my head was the look of horror on her face when we woke-up that morning.  We had a wonderful night making love and falling asleep together in each other’s arms.  I was still asleep when she woke up.

“Sam,” she said loudly, elbowing me in the ribs.

“Ouch…” I whined, attempting to pull her closer to me.

“Sam,” she said again, sounding even more annoyed and now pushing my arms off of her.

“Alex, what is wrong?” I asked, still half asleep.

“That picture.  Where did you get it,” she asked through clenched teeth.  She somehow quickly moved out of my arms and was now sitting on the bed and pointing up at the picture like it was a spider or a bug that she wanted killed.

“Uh, I got it at that picture place, downtown in the beginning of the summer,” I said slowly.

“Do you have any clue what that is?” she asked, so cold that I felt my blood turn to ice.

I sat up climbed up to take the picture down.  I turned back around and sat it on my lap and read the article outloud.

“6 Canadian soldiers were killed, 2 injured during a gun fight in small town in Afghanistan.  AP photographer, James Nash was also injured in the battle when the Hummer he was riding in was ambushed.  However, he managed to get this gut wrenching picture of two GI’s.  Lieutenant Daniel Kramer and Lieutenant, Combat Nurse, Alexandra Fletcher share an intimate moment together after they were both wounded.  Lt. Kramer is listed as deceased and Lt. Fletcher is listed in critical condition at Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany.”

“Alexandra Fletcher…Alex…Fletch…Danny…” I finished slowly like it was all a bad dream.  “Oh my god, Alex, I swear I didn’t know…”

“Is this the first fucking time you are reading the article?!” she hissed.

“No…but you have to understand…I bought this a few days before I met you and I never even thought about it…”

“How can you not tell that is me?!” she cried.

“I…I…I just never thought…”

“Take me home.”

“But Alex, let’s try and be reasonable about this…”

“Take me home, Sam.”

Friday, August 19, 2011

Chapter Fourteen

First things first... ya'll are hyped up about this picture... do you like when bad things happen?!! LMAO.

Second... this is loaded with ADULT CONTENT to start the weekend off right! (of course I'm working, which means I'll have lots of time to write and get to that picture drama... haha)

Wouldn't miss a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you, I'd lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was livin' life all wrong
Smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Crazy Girl  - Eli Young Band

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  For me I’m fairly sure it made me more apprehensive.  Psychotic visions would dance through my head throughout the day and night.  One of those little mind stories included Sam coming back to London, showing up at my door and laughing hysterically in my face.  He shouted loudly through the neighborhood that I was a cripple who had no hope of ever living a normal life again.

I woke up mortified and crying, thinking there was no doubt he was going to get back from Edmonton and tell me he didn’t want to spend anymore time with me and that he thought we shouldn’t be together again.

The mind can be a dark and scary place, especially when you have all the time in the world to think.  It was now sinking in how much befriending the boys had taken away from some of that time, allowing me to not spend so much time in that dark place.  I really did need to find something to occupy more of my times, especially since the summer was winding down and soon I’d be left with the occasional mental breaks Race and Denise would give me with visits and sporadic trips to wherever.

I decided to talk to Denise about ideas on what I could do, later.  At the moment I was too busy waiting for a text from Sam saying that he was back home.

I’m fairly sure I jumped through the roof when the doorbell rang.

A nervous smile was pasted on her face as soon as she opened the door to let me in.  I had told her that I’d text her when my plane touched down, but I was all for the element of surprise.  I stood on her doorstep with a big grin and bag of food.

“Alex,” I said slowly.

“Sam,” she acknowledged, the nervous smile seeming to fade with every passing second, being replaced by a look of relief.

“May I come in?” I raised an eyebrow.


“Depends on what?”

“You going to throw away your trash when you’re done eating whatever you have in that bag?” she asked as serious as possible, but failing miserably at hiding her smile by the end of the question.

I sighed dramatically and shrugged.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

She nodded and began backing up to allow me in the door.  I politely walked right by her, hoping to make her feel like I was kind of ignoring her, and dropped my food off on the dinning room table.  When I turned around to go back to her, she was already pouting.

In two strides I was in front of her and scooping her up out of her chair.  “I needed empty hands so that I could hold you against me,” I breathed playfully into her ear, taking her perfect scent into my nose.

“I thought maybe you might have changed your mind,” she said quietly.

“Silly girl.  You can’t get rid of me that easy,” I chuckled, carrying her back down the hall and boldly into her bedroom.  The whole plane-ride home, all I could think about was having her in my arms and kissing her everywhere.  I hoped she was with me on this plan.

“What are you doing?” she asked, sounding amused.

“You look tired, so I want to make sure you can rest in bed…”

“Something tells me rest is not a word in your equation at the moment.”

“Well, if you don’t want to rest, you don’t have to…” I smiled.

Of course this earned me a playful smack across the back of my head.

Okay, so the gears in my mind made an abrupt change in direction.  They quickly went from worrying if Sam would still want to keep going with this relationship to thinking about how amazing his lips and breath would feel against my skin.

“I thought you were hungry…” I choked out while his fingertips lightly traced the shape of my breast.  He had wasted no time in getting me out of my shirt and bra.  Of course, I didn’t waste much time getting him out of his shirt and shorts.  I was lying on my back and he was lying on his side, devouring me with his eyes. It was already a given we were going to go to the place of no return and with the way he was making me feel at the moment, I was not going to regret it one bit.

Before answering my question with words, he leaned down and lightly sucked on my nipple, bringing it into a little hard nub so that he could bite it gently before picking up his head to say, “I’m hungry for you.”

I laughed, which caused my breasts to move freely.  Sam began laughing too before he cupped both of my aching orbs and kissed me hard.  I moaned as he positioned the whole length of his body over top of me.  His arms created a cage around me and his fingers were buried in my thick hair.  I could feel his growing erection on my stomach as it strained through the thin material of his boxers.  The heat of it began warming my core.

His kisses were languid and protruding, causing my body to completely give itself over to primal instinct.  My hands ran up and down his strong muscled, back and down to the waist band of his boxers before sliding them upwards again, feeling goosebumps pop along the path I took.  He pulled back from my lips at one point and shivered.

“If you don’t want to go all the way tonight, then we have to stop now,” he said hoarsely.  “I’m not going to be able to control myself like last time.  I want you so bad, Alex.”

The needful look in his eyes was completely unnerving.  They sparkled with lust and something else I hadn’t seen since that night with Danny.  I quickly shoved that last thought back into its hiding place and focused on Sam’s declaration.  “I don’t want to stop, Sam,” I whispered sincerely.  I was being truthful.  I wanted to be one with him.  Sure, maybe it wasn’t the cautious approach I had originally planned on taking with him, but something about it all felt totally right.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, my lips were there to taste the residue of them.  I didn’t want to make her feel like we were rushing things, but there was nothing more that I wanted than to be inside of her, binding her to me.  I was thinking on a total caveman approach right now when it came to my feelings for her, but as soon as I saw her beautiful face this evening, I knew this was it.

I pushed myself up and moved to the side of her.  Gently, I laid kisses down her neck to her one shoulder and then her one breast and then down to her navel.  I sat up and greedily took in her small, beautiful frame with my eyes before sliding and arm under her knees.  They were smooth and soft as I lifted them and her hips off the bed to remove the short little gym shorts she was wearing.  Before placing them back down, I left some kisses on her knee and thigh, silently throwing up a prayer that they would work again soon for her.

I stood up at the end of the bed and stared down at her now naked flesh while slowly sliding off my boxers, finally freeing my hard length.  Curiously, I watched her eyes go down my body and look at my dick.  She smiled and unconsciously licked her lips before allowing her eyes to come up and connect with mine once more.  I’m fairly sure the small amount of blood that had still pumping through my heart was now filtering down to my dick.

He was achingly slow with every motion, but after we were both naked, things began moving quicker.  He climbed back onto my bed and laid down beside me, still staring at me like he was going to eat me alive.  My body tingled with anticipation.

I sucked in a breath when he traced a pattern with his finger from my navel down to my folds.  Before dipping it into my warmth, he paused, looked up at me and then slid it into my slick heat.  He laughed an evil, quiet laugh at my expression.

“That’s right baby girl, my goal is to get you to make that face a few more times tonight,” he growled.  I watched him roll on a condom he had pulled out from his wallet and then trembled in anticipation as he parted my legs and crawled in between them.  He slid an arm underneath my shoulders and brought my body up against his and my lips to his, kissing me deeply.  I felt the head of his erection nudging at my entrance and without much more warning, he pushed into me, slow and almost painstakingly.  At this point we stopped kissing because all I could do was focus on the feeling of him stretching me intimately.  I gripped his shoulders and held my breath.

“Remember to breathe Alex,” he whispered heavily into my ear.

“I don’t think you’re doing much breathing either,” I moaned.

“You feel so amazing, baby,” he whimpered as he finally bottomed out inside of me.

“Mmmm…” was all I could say.

After staying nestled in me for a moment, he slowly pulled back out and then pushed in again.  We were both groaning in frustration by the third time of this charade.

“Sssaammm.  Please, fuck me.”

I watched a wicked gleam shoot through his eyes. He nodded, pulled me even closer against him and began setting a strong pace.  I so badly wished I could wrap my legs around him to pull him even deeper into me, but he did a good job of things without my help.  He used all of his strong muscles to fuck me into oblivion and soon we were both crying out as our orgasms hit us.  I sighed as I felt his warm fluid release into my core. 

I wanted the feeling of her wrapped around my dick to last for forever.  However, she was so tight that there was no way I was going to last as long as I had hoped for our first time.  As soon as she went over the edge, I too fell with her.

It took a moment to remember that I might be crushing her with my body weight, but she didn’t seem to mind as she laid a few kisses on my face.  She was beautiful underneath me; her liquid brown eyes looked to be overflowing with the emotion I too was feeling with her skin against mine; her thick, raven hair splayed around her like a halo.  It was then I realized I was falling in love with her.  It was actually something I had thought about this past weekend.  Was I too young to fall in love?  Was it too soon to completely tie myself down to one woman?  What did it matter when everything about it felt right?

I must have dozed off aside of her for a short-time.  I opened my eyes to find myself using her stomach as a pillow; it’s growling is what woke me up.  “Why didn’t you wake me if you were hungry?” I exclaimed, picking up my head to see her with a silly smile on her face.

“I was having a relaxing time just playing with your hair and listening to your snore.”

“That is probably why I fell asleep.  There is definitely nothing better than having a woman run her fingers repeatedly through a man’s hair,” I grinned, stretching up to kiss her.  She met me halfway and when we parted I propped my chin on my hand, just looking at her.

“Stop,” she playfully covered my eyes.

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at me like that,” she blushed and giggled nervously.

“But I can’t stop…” I smiled.

“But it makes me all self-conscious!”

“For what?!  It’s just you and me…”


“Mmm, yes, we are both still naked,” I growled, pinning her body down with mine once more and making a move to kiss her again.

She attempted to dodge my lips as she squeaked, “But what if I say I’m hungry!”

“Then I say you’re going to be famished by the time we get done round two!” I informed her before playfully biting her neck, causing her to squeal and claw at me.  Several minutes later she was crying out my name again.

It was strange having someone sleeping in bed with me.  It was slightly weird having him around for what might seem to be weird “rituals” that I do when getting ready for bed.  I definitely didn’t feel very sexy having to climb back into my chair to get myself to the bathroom or the fact that I had to sit on a chair to take a shower with him standing behind me.  It was all a little much for me to handle, but Sam was sweet and seemed to take it all in stride.

“I can wash my own hair,” I informed him, probably not as politely as a girl should to the man who just rocked her world.

He untangled my hands from my hair and placed them gently, yet firmly onto my lap.  “Would you relax and let me do what I want to do?” he asked with a smirk.  “I’m assuming this is new for you too, so let’s get comfortable about this together.”

“I can’t say I have the best self-esteem right now,” I mumbled, yet beginning to revel from the feel of his hands massaging my soapy head.

“And why not?!  You’re beautiful and you have a sexy, professional hockey player, naked, in your shower with you.  Tell me, Alex, what about that doesn’t give you a self-esteem boost?”

This made me bust up laughing.  He was completely right, maybe a little cocky, but completely right.  It was obvious why I was feeling better than I ever have since the accident.  He was the ray of sunshine my counselors and Race had been saying I needed.  Now if only I knew for certain my rehab was working.

I’m fairly sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face as I held her in my arms.  The last time I remember doing that was Christmas Night when I was little and slept with my new hockey stick.  I was slightly afraid I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, especially since her ass was nestled firmly in my lap, but I did.

I woke up in the middle of the night after she lightly kicked me.  I was startled, mainly due to the fact that when I opened my eyes, I was in a strange room.  Once I gained my bearings, my mind began reeling. 

Despite being dead to the world, she kicked me.  Her leg moved!

I waited with baited breath for a few moments, but it didn’t happen again.